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Fools have a lot to say when it comes to government policies. Depending on your own views, you might applaud or hate the Federal Reserve, and how it's navigated our country around dangerous waters. Instead of being critical, we thought we'd give you the power to bring about change ... in hypothetical form.

If you were head of the Federal Reserve, what would be your first order of business?
In case you're stuck, here are just a few areas you may want to target:

  • Our current interest rates, hovering near zero
  • The bristly beard of Ben Bernanke
  • Faux bank holding companies, including American Express (NYSE:AXP), Goldman Sachs (NYSE:GS), and Morgan Stanley (NYSE:MS)
  • "Real" banks, including Bank of America (NYSE:BAC), Wells Fargo (NYSE:WFC), and Citigroup (NYSE:C)
  • Something incorporating former Fed chief Paul Volcker's 6'7" stature (bonus points for Shaquille O'Neal references)
  • Horrific "diamond" puns based on JPMorgan Chase's (NYSE:JPM) Jamie Dimon

The best answer in the comments section below (in fewer than 250 words) will win a one-year digital subscription to Stock Advisor, our flagship investing newsletter. The contest is open until 8:00 p.m. EST on Dec. 17. A complete list of the rules is here. Enter as often as you wish.

Shine on, you crazy Dimons!

Anand Chokkavelu owns shares of Citigroup, and has apparently beaten you all to the punch with regard to awful diamond puns. You can follow him on Twitter. American Express is a Motley Fool Inside Value recommendation. Try any of our Foolish newsletter services free for 30 days.